The Truth as Self Honoring

I was working with a lovely teen girl this week who explained how she had apologized for something that wasn’t her fault, something she did not do. She had been accused and apologized for keeping the peace in friend group.

Boom! There it was.

The program running here, what this girl has been taught by culture and family, is that she should do anything to belong, even lie. She believed she needed to say “I’m sorry” no matter what.

We unpacked this one, and it was willey to chase down. By the end of our time together, she understood the cost was to herself. She had abandoned herself to fit in. Resonate with anyone?

She was also able to see how she had manipulated the truth to get what she wanted, to be friends with these people. I was so excited that she could see this and start to shift out of this pattern because so many women I work with suffer from this programming. It keeps them small and in shallow relationships.

What we discussed throughout the session was the importance of truth and staying with what is true as a way of honoring the self and others. This sounds nice and simple but can be hard to put into practice where our “belonging” is threatened. Belonging is deeply tied to our survival and presents an extra layer to work with.

We have all participated in this type of lying. We lie because we are afraid we will be alone if we tell the truth. We lie to maintain the connection. We lie to get our needs met. We lie to have things go our way.

But at what cost?

If we lie to be in a relationship or belong to a group, the connection is not true. It is based on falsehood. This is not a genuine connection. So, we have lost the very thing we want: to be accepted as we are.

This brave young teen was willing to look at this, and she got it. She promised to start noticing when she was tempted to apologize for something she had not done and try to at least tell herself the truth. She is growing.

What do you need to look at to come into deeper alignment with the truth? How might you commit more deeply to honesty and showing up in this world from a place of truth? I’d love to hear from you!